Hot Diggity Dog! How to Pick the Incomparable Wienie 500

The hot dog is a polarizing vessel across the United States. One of the last times I was back home in Chicago was for a Fourth of July cookout that featured juicy smashburgers, succulent chicken thighs and a hot dog bar with all the accoutrements a Chicagoan could ever desire. A red-and-white checkered cloth covered a table stacked with dogs, poppy seed buns, three kinds of mustards, fresh tomatoes, neon sweet relish, chopped onions, pickle spears, sport peppers and shakers of celery salt. Everyone knows I love a spread (get it?). This Friday, at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, the Chi Dog (Midwest) is one of six Wienermobiles set to race in the second annual Oscar Mayer Wienie 500. It joins the New York Dog (East), Chili Dog (South), Seattle Dog (Northwest), last year’s winner Slaw Dog (Southeast) and the newest competitor via fan vote, Corn Dog. Race day coverage starts at 2 p.m. ET on FOX and FOX One. One of my jobs around these parts is to handicap sporting events, dive inside the odds and give you an educated idea of what to bet. Thing is, not a single American sportsbook is taking wagers on the Wienie 500. Why? “Is that a serious question?” Circa Sports director of operations Jeff Benson texted me earlier this week. “It isn’t approved by gaming. You know that.” I did know, but Benson’s reaction was worth the ask. So we can’t bet on it, but I still have a wienie in the race. And you will, too. Odds are good you’ll root for the hot dog that brings back your best childhood memories. Nostalgia tends to hit home in events like this. If you lathered yours with brown mustard and sauerkraut, you’ll be pulling for the New York Dog. If you went chili or chili-cheese, you know the drill. If you put cream cheese or slaw on your dog like a monster, God bless. We try not to judge around here. Last year, Slaw Dog sat in second place around the final turn before chasing down Chi Dog with a near 70-mile-per-hour rip to take the checkered flag. “I’m knee deep into college baseball right now,” one anonymous bettor told me when pressed on this year’s race. “But I love a good villain. Give me the Slaw Dog to run it back. It’ll set up the three-peat for next year.” Choose your wienie wisely. I’m going Chi Dog with revenge. What about you?